In The Long Run

 

In the long Run:

I experienced three things in quick succession – reading Into The Wild and Running Wild, hearing the song Moab by Bright Eyes, and seeing a documentary about the Barkley Marathons --

Y'all I just remembered the time I hired a pretty well known Denver poet to feature at a freex event but I was in the beginning of a depressive state and I sort of bungled the process of obtaining money from the school to pay the poet so I paid him out of pocket but then when I went to pick him up, I ran out of gas and had no more cash so he paid for my gas to get him to Colorado Springs and then my best friend, who drove down from Boulder to support me putting this thing on, drove the featured poet back home to Denver. I've always been right on the verge of complete and total disaster, lol. Sometime I tip that way and it turns out alright and sometimes it's a learning opportunity.

I walk a fine line, always. One reason I started being interested in running really far is that the long run is a fine line. The longer the run, the more room for disaster, more chance of complete physical and psychological collapse.

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That’s all well and good. So far in this training plan, I haven’t come close to crashing, haven’t been at risk for failure yet. I’ve had three “long runs” so far and they’ve been test in some ways but not all that taxing. At some point, I can go into the technical aspects of challenges I face stomping around for hours but the lesson I’m electing to retain for now is: this is all for me. A long run isn’t punishment. It’s not about self discipline, at least not at it’s heart. A long run is about choosing to spend that time with yourself. Sometimes, you might get the camaraderie of sharing miles with others but even then you are never not your body. A lot of people I know refer to their lives as brains in a meat suit. Trail running has all the ingredients to perfectly remind you of your true nature. You don’t have a body. You are a body. And being embodied means you feel your physical experiences as emotional ones and vice versa. Or, “The Body Keeps The Score.”

So far in preparing for Twisted Fork, I’ve had three “long runs”. My only goal for each was to run as long as possible and only walk if I was fixing my clothes or backpack. And so for, every saturday has come and gone as every saturday always has. I run a little further each time. Each time, a little closer to my absolute limits (though there’s still plenty of time before that.)

In the long run, my goal is to find myself a home in my body. My goal is be entirely myself, to set myself wholly free.

– Lark